Mums the Word

1.  Are you sure he didn't move? 2.  He looks like he moved a little.  Look, his arms look different. 3.  He must really like that spot. 4.  Flying to the North Pole is exhausting....maybe he decided he was too tired. 5.  Did you touch him??? 6.  I touched him.  I'm sorry, but he was slouching and I thought I was helping.  I'm sure if we leave him he will move tomorrow. 7.  Maybe Santa came here!  How cool would that be?? 8.  Well, we weren't home a lot yesterday.  Maybe he didn't have enough to report. 9.  He's lazy.  Maybe his real name should be Sir lazy-pants! 10.  I dunno, were you naughty???  Did you touch the ornaments on the tree?! You know he hates that.

I'm sitting on the couch half out of it watching all the kids look for that darn Elf on the Shelf, so thankful he actually got up and moved his lazy ass last night.  When they find it and they all start shouting 'He's up there!  He's up there!'.  Even Cora, who is naked (don't ask), is jumping up and down, pointing and shouting just like the big kids 'He up there!  He up there!'  It's one of those moments.  I'm on top of a mountain.  All the kids are precious and I am mentally saving this to my hard drive.  I start thinking about other fun traditions we can start and memories I'd like to make.  I'd love to take the kids skiing because dad and I always had a blast skiing. Once we were on the top of a mountain getting ready to take on the back bowls of Vail and the sun started to set.  It was beautiful and my dad was quick to point it out.  I asked if he had ever seen this before and he said he had but it was better this time.  W...

As I reach for the soap, 'OH CRAP! Why can't I move my arm properly?!  I have a damaged wing!  I repeat, a damaged wing!' Where was I? Oh yes, I've noticed I'm OLD. Maybe not necessarily in years but certainly in body and attitude.  I may be 31 but in life years I feel 61, some days older. I've notice my legs feel funny.  Like someone has ripped them out of there sockets then stuck them back in not quite right.  I keep saying 'hip dysplasia' but the fact of the matter is, I think the children have broken me.  On top of that I get sharp pains in random areas that make me jump up, shout and grab the accused area.  Is something biting me?  Are my nerves sending out random messages? What?  But it makes me look straight up crazy.  Luckily, my husband already knows that I am. Everything is falling apart and nevermind my very acute case of Jiggly Butt (this IS the technical term and it IS very serious).  As far as attitude:  I...

Does anyone else feel like they are shouting the same instructions of what not to do day in and day out?  Put your coat on!  Don't touch that!  Stop climbing on the table!  Why are simple instructions so hard? I sometimes wonder if my kids think my sheer existence is to annoy them with mundane tasks and meaningless rules.  Like I have time to plot against them??  I barely have time to think!  What's even more mind blowing/soul destroying is when they walk outside in a T-shirt and announce that they are cold, they actually break the thing you told them not to touch and they fall off the table then look at you in shock and start crying.  Seriously??  I'm going to loose my mind.  I don't feel like I'm super demanding....okay, maybe I am but whatever, you can thank me later because you will be more prepared for the real world.  I know they are just kids but I'm moments away from having a mommy dearest meltdown. The harder part ...

OMG--My baby just said 'Hippopautamaus!'  Never mind their inability to do anything else, they are a genius.  Better get them into the 'good' classes now. I was reading a parenting magazine one day, out of boredom, and came across this interesting fact:  80% of parents think their children are advanced. This subsequently became a joke between my husband and I.  Whenever the kids did anything we would say, 'Oh, they're so advanced!'  The greatest moment is when we are lucky enough to be in the same room when someone says this and means it.  We have four kids under six now and it takes a lot to impress us.  I'm not saying their firsts aren't amazing but with your first baby you have no reference point.  Once you've lived this life for awhile you know all the kids are doing it and if they aren't, they will be. If they really wanted to impress me they would eat without spilling and use the toilet!  Just saying.  A lot of the things paren...

My friend Amy was visiting and I was giving her the full court press to move to the greatest town in the world, Quincy, IL.  I should really be the rush chair or whatever the equivalent is because I'm always selling it....off the subject.  Anyways, my friend says, 'I could never move here because gas is too expensive.'  To which I replied, 'Oh, I'm sorry?? You can't afford to fill up your brand new Honda Oddessy?? Because gas in IL is a few cents more expensive?!!!'  YOU, my friend, have a rich person problem.'  This became our ongoing joke and the inspiration for this blog... Now, you don't have to be rich to have 'rich people problems'.  These are just things you say that sound 'bad'.  I mean, if you are reading this blog you are probably rich comparatively speaking.  So take all of this with a grain of salt....preferably around a margarita glass. So, here we go... You may have rich people problems if you: 1.  Say 'Oh no, ...

At some point I must of told Isla people die when they are 100, because she brought it up last month. As you can guess the discussion went something like: Me: You know Poppy's real sick. Isla: Ya but he's not 100 so he'll be okay, right? Ugh! Cue heartbreak. This leads me into my topic of Unicorns and Rainbows and other things we lie to our kids about. I borrowed the header from my cousin Anna. Anyways, my question: Is it worth it? Here are the things I've lied about (recently) paired with the reasons for said lie:  1. (and #1 on so many of our lists) Santa Claus.  Also Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, a leprachan named Lester and an Elf named Peter (if we are being completely honest). Reason:  Magic. Real life magic. We all want to believe, remember believing and want our kids to have that same feeling when they open their presents, see an Easter basket, and find something under their pillow (or are taken on a mad scavenger hunt to find presents in the garage). I m...