Mountains and Valleys

I'm sitting on the couch half out of it watching all the kids look for that darn Elf on the Shelf, so thankful he actually got up and moved his lazy ass last night.  When they find it and they all start shouting 'He's up there!  He's up there!'.  Even Cora, who is naked (don't ask), is jumping up and down, pointing and shouting just like the big kids 'He up there!  He up there!'  It's one of those moments.  I'm on top of a mountain.  All the kids are precious and I am mentally saving this to my hard drive.  I start thinking about other fun traditions we can start and memories I'd like to make.  I'd love to take the kids skiing because dad and I always had a blast skiing. Once we were on the top of a mountain getting ready to take on the back bowls of Vail and the sun started to set.  It was beautiful and my dad was quick to point it out.  I asked if he had ever seen this before and he said he had but it was better this time.  When I asked why, he said because the most beautiful places and experiences are nothing when you don't have the people you love with you to share them with.
And there it is....I'm in a valley.  A pit of despair.  They are so hard to avoid as all roads seem to lead to them. Every wonderful moment reminds me I can't share it with dad.  I remind myself how lucky I am to have had a dad that I feel this way about and to have had him for as long as I did.  I pick myself up and start getting ready for the day.  No use wallowing in my grief.  It won't bring him back and continuing to think about it wont help the four (maybe five) people depending on me to make things happen today.
I've always been a mountain person, literally and metaphorically.  I am positive!  I am happy!  I'm high on life! I am not emotional!  So why am I one hallmark commercial away from loosing it at any given moment??   Confessing that I'm down is hard because it goes against everything I believe about myself and I despise crying almost as much as I hate vomiting.  I will fight it till the end even when it feels like I'm choking down razor blades.
What's the cure?  Well, I've always thought that if you were feeling bad for yourself you should look around.  Everyone has got problems and many, quite honestly, make your problems look miniscule.  So you should do your best to get them out of their pit and it might help you through yours.  Right?
Well, while I think it is great to help others, you may find yourself using people you love to grieve through and I'm not sure that helps anyone.  I think sometimes people in pits need people to cheer them up, not climb into their pit and be like 'yeah, nice pit, I love what you've done with the place'.
If you were looking for an answer to the 'what's the cure?', I don't have it.  Or I might have it but you're not going to like the answer because it is time.  Much like a hang over, you can throw meds at it but in the end, it just takes time.
When dad first left us a few months ago we had our 'game faces' on.  We knew it was gonna happen or at least that it was a very real possibility and we were gonna make the best out of it.  We were going to lift everyone up and be grateful for the outpouring of love that everyone was sharing.  We would tell happy stories, reminisce, and be glad we had it so good. We would keep ourselves busy with the business of life, which wasn't that difficult....until now.
Now I realize how long this 'game' of life is.  It's like being in labor at that point when you think if I have to suffer much longer I'm gonna cave and get an epidural.  If I'm going to keep wandering through this valley,  I may have to get an epidural.  I just need to know how much further to mountain...