Wing Damns

As I stare out at the river trying to figure out where the 'frick' the wing damns are...i feel the tears well up inside me. My dad used to take me out on the river when I was a kid and show me all the secret coves, sand bars, and point to all the wing damns in hopes that I would someday be able to drive the boat and navigate the river myself. Little did I know, this was a metaphor for life. Everything I've done and everywhere I've gone, my dad has been behind me and I've always been looking over my shoulder. He's been checking that the coast is clear and then double checking that I am checking. And now, with the fear of losing him looming, I wonder am I ready? I'm 31 and am married with 4 kids! How could I not be 'ready'? No one is ever ready to lose someone they love but fearing life without someone's direction is something different. I am afraid of never being able to look back. And as I stand by the river, I'm crying. The following days since I stood on the river and cried, have been even harder because we had our hope of time taken. It is time. I am sad but there is joy in knowing where my dad is going and seeing the people who love us, gather around us. I always liked the part in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas when his heart grew three sizes and I feel that must be what is happening to me because why else would seeing someone you love so much and people's amazing acts of kindness make your heart hurt so bad? I think it is exploding with gratefulness and joy and sadness all at once. My dad once told me a great movie is one that can make you feel happy and sad at the same time....ah, another metaphor. So here we are. It is what it is and I am now praying for grace to show my dads love to everyone he knows, comfort them and celebrate his life. We are all hurting but it is more important to remember what we love than wallow in our pain. So, I am ready. Ready for anything. Even if I don't remember where the wing dams are, my boat is on the right path because I know God and I know he loves us. And I am never alone. P.S. I just learned the summer my dad got his boating license he bottomed out the boat three times! Ha! Comedy at the end. Gotta love it.

Comments

  1. BlancheJuly 4, 2012 at 12:38 AM

    Great story Jen.....So like your Dad...an inspiration
    God Bless
    Blanche xx

    ReplyDelete

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