Bottoms Out
If you ask me a question first thing in the morning I'm probably too out of it to think up an appropriate 'give them only what they need' response. It's pretty much blatant honesty. Combine that with a child or children that don't understand privacy or boundaries and you'll be explaining your womanly cycle to a five year old boy at 6 A.M. Then he will turn to your seven year old who will roll their eyes and declare 'they've known about that for ages'. Obviously! After that it's no big deal and everyone goes on their happy way. No harm done and for some reason I think I will never hear about this again....
A few months go by and we start construction on our house. Our son loves every minute and desperately wants to be part of the action. He worships the builders and loves when they occasionally included him in their work. He has a tool belt with real tools and whenever he starts talking with them his voice drops a few octaves. Adorable, right?! He wants to talk with men, like a man, about man things.
Unfortunately he has no idea what men talk about so one day, while helping lay tile, I hear him strike up a very interesting conversation. It is with the youngest of our builders, a handsome young man that's barely twenty. Of course! It couldn't have been with any of the older guys that are married and have seen behind 'the curtain'.
The conversation goes like this:
5 year old: What are you doing now?
Builder: Just setting some tile over here.
5 year old: Oh.....Hey, guess what?
Builder: What?
5 year old: My mom bleeds out of her bottom.
Builder: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Here's the deal, there's no way to save this train wreck. There's nothing I can say to stop this disaster. My boy is just trying to make manly conversation, unfortunately his small talk is crap and he has no idea this is the last thing men would actually discuss. I'm still wondering whether or not to intervene while dealing with my own mortification when I realize I have to stop him because I don't know what's coming next. Who knows what other treasures he's uncovered or what other truth bombs I've dropped at 6:00 a.m.? I am not a morning person!
Anyways, I end up gathering enough dignity to yell down to the basement, 'Let's not talk about anyone else's bottom...ever'. A rule to live by.
I'm sure this will never happen again. Probably.
A few months go by and we start construction on our house. Our son loves every minute and desperately wants to be part of the action. He worships the builders and loves when they occasionally included him in their work. He has a tool belt with real tools and whenever he starts talking with them his voice drops a few octaves. Adorable, right?! He wants to talk with men, like a man, about man things.
Unfortunately he has no idea what men talk about so one day, while helping lay tile, I hear him strike up a very interesting conversation. It is with the youngest of our builders, a handsome young man that's barely twenty. Of course! It couldn't have been with any of the older guys that are married and have seen behind 'the curtain'.
The conversation goes like this:
5 year old: What are you doing now?
Builder: Just setting some tile over here.
5 year old: Oh.....Hey, guess what?
Builder: What?
5 year old: My mom bleeds out of her bottom.
Builder: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Here's the deal, there's no way to save this train wreck. There's nothing I can say to stop this disaster. My boy is just trying to make manly conversation, unfortunately his small talk is crap and he has no idea this is the last thing men would actually discuss. I'm still wondering whether or not to intervene while dealing with my own mortification when I realize I have to stop him because I don't know what's coming next. Who knows what other treasures he's uncovered or what other truth bombs I've dropped at 6:00 a.m.? I am not a morning person!
Anyways, I end up gathering enough dignity to yell down to the basement, 'Let's not talk about anyone else's bottom...ever'. A rule to live by.
I'm sure this will never happen again. Probably.
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