Mums the Word

 Here is my special list just in time for Christmas... Disclaimer:  This is from a parent standpoint.  The kids all love and ask for these things.  Some of them I refer to as 'kid crack'.  1.  Moon sand---Seeing the immanent danger I immediately relegated this to an outside toy.  Unfortunately, ours was hot pink and the kids patched the cracks in our driveway with it.  It stayed that way for months. 2.  Finger paints---Teaching your kids to paint with their fingers, I feel, sends the wrong message.  P.S. Blue is not washable no matter what it says on the bottle. 3.  Playdoh paraphernalia---Playdoh itself is debatable among parents but the 'sets' (aka ice cream station/BBQ station) are creations of the devil.  Fun the first time but then the playdoh gets in all the crevices, hardens and blocks them up.  They should come with special tools like a miniature ice pic. 4.  Polly pockets---I once bought into the Polly pocket thing but after awhile you learn that Polly is

1.  You are using the proper, full scale model dyson on your sectional couch.  2.  You find food in non food designated areas and it's unrecognizable--probably in the sectional couch you just vacuumed.  There's enough goldfish in there to feed a third world country and your surprised there aren't live racoons living inside it. 3.  You spend your quiet time staring at a wall trying to regain composure for the next second when everyone tries to speak at the same time.  4.  When all your children have been loaded in your vehicle, you must then pep talk yourself in. 5.  Something is always gross but you never have time to fix it.  aka booger on wall. 6.  It takes you five minutes to get the right name of the child you want.  You may use a dogs name or child you don't even have before you get to one of your own kids names. 7.  People ask you if you are a day care provider and the answer is no. 8.  You yell.  Before 6 am.  Probably because you are ripped from your slee

What the frick was that?!!! I come running from the other room because it sounds like a class five disaster.  God forbid I be in the basement because everything sounds like a trip to the ER from down there.  Luckily its just a giant basket of toys I had on a shelf....wait for it... that one of the twins had climbed up and catapulted off.   When I ask, 'Why did you do that?'  She replies, 'Because eenie meenie minie mo.' So cute, right?  Ya, it was.  Now we are on the millionth eenie meenie minie mo and I'm starting to loose it.  Now I'm calling bs on the naughty sh*$.  I mean I called it earlier but no one was listening so now I'm really calling it. I know sometimes we do things we shouldn't and we can't explain why but I'm this close (I'm holding my fingers VERY close together) to calling in an exorcism. Eenie meenie minie mo my ass! I don't understand why the twins won't go to sleep at bedtime and then why they wake up at 5:45.

There's a lot I admire about kids and one of those things is their honesty.  They have no idea about  what I'm trying to pull off with this 'look' but they are sure gonna tell me what they think.  I cringe at what they may tell strangers at any given moment.  I'm literally flexing right now just thinking about it.  However, sometimes I think kids are the ones who have it right.  Recently we went to dinner at the QCC which we haven't done much since dad passed and my four year old says, 'I really wish Poppy was here instead of in heaven.'  In one easy sentence he said something so simple, straight to the point and straight from the heart.  We all agreed and thought that it was awesome that he could just say what we had all been thinking. Honestly, life makes no sense to me a lot of the time.  Just when I think I have a handle on it and am on top of my game and I have all the answers, I brace myself because I know nothing at all and God is going to beat

 Sometimes when the kids meltdown over things that shouldn't matter at all I think about when someone puts water in my soy chai.  Bastards!  I get it.  Life is tough, especially when your two and I wont let you drink ketchup.  Sometimes... I don't want to get up in the morning. Even though it's funny, I want you to not be naked. I want a shower. I don't want to wipe your butt. I don't want to wear your breakfast on my jeans. I want to drink hot things without worrying someone will knock it out of my hand. I don't want to get in the van. I don't want to get out of the van. I don't want people to drive like idiots (unless it is me and then you can suck it). I want a nap. I don't want to hear the word budget. I don't want to cook dinner. I don't want to do laundry or clean house.  I want a quiet second to think. I don't want to feel like I'm talking to myself. But sometimes, we don't get what we want.  And sometim

I'm in charge and  I'm trying to train you to be a tolerable adult therefore I will be unable to up with your sh#$.  Meltdowns, temper tantrums, and sassy backtalk are outlawed.  If you get away with it now, you may think it's acceptable as an adult and the world has met it's quota for jackwaggons.  So.....I will be taking no names, you will not pass go,  and there will be no warning for this train.  You should also think long and hard before you come at me cause I haven't slept in days and I will take you out!!!!! Thank you and you're welcome!