Drunken Hobos
It's winter and it seems like it's been winter forever. I get it! We are all over it! I think my kids have had a cold for three months. They constantly have different layers of snot on their face, going from dry to wet. Their hair, no matter what I do, stands straight up in the air unless it's matted to their snotty face. We are all tired of inside. Some days, I myself can't be bothered showering or getting out of my 'I give up clothes'. Why should I expect more of them? It's hard to be critical when I can't remember if I put deodorant on today. So, left to their own devices, my children are beginning to resemble drunken hobos. Why do they insist on non matching layers of clothing? Layers!
My seven year old insisted on wearing a pair of leggings with a hole in the knee yesterday because they were her favorite.... and just when I thought we had a problem, I helped out in her class room. Oh good, it's not just us.
Here are 10 ways in which children resemble drunken hobos:
1. They find no shame in asking strangers for money, food, or anything that is of interest. Do not flash anything shiny. They're like freaking magpies!
2. Anything that is on the ground is fair game and could be treasure. There could be an all out brawl over findings. You just pray it doesn't go in their mouth.
3. They trip on nothing and just lay there like roadkill.
4. There is no such thing as inappropriate touching.
5. They try to give you stuff you don't want. One of them just handed me booger and said 'There ya go' like they did me a favor.
6. When someone is wearing 'real' clothes, they are all over that. Avoid physical contact. Black is an unforgiving color when it comes to snot.
7. They are mean when they don't get what they want. They may shout in strange tongues. The more sympathetic you are to their plight, the more they ham it up.
8. They have no sense of smell. You must smuggle toxic smelling 'blankies' out of their room. They will defend 'blankie' to the death. Do not confront them about it.
9. They can sleep anywhere, anytime. But never in a bed and when it's convenient.
10. Crazy is cool. It's something they seek out in companions. Watch out.
Drunken hobos!
I mean, pesky kids!
My seven year old insisted on wearing a pair of leggings with a hole in the knee yesterday because they were her favorite.... and just when I thought we had a problem, I helped out in her class room. Oh good, it's not just us.
Here are 10 ways in which children resemble drunken hobos:
1. They find no shame in asking strangers for money, food, or anything that is of interest. Do not flash anything shiny. They're like freaking magpies!
2. Anything that is on the ground is fair game and could be treasure. There could be an all out brawl over findings. You just pray it doesn't go in their mouth.
3. They trip on nothing and just lay there like roadkill.
4. There is no such thing as inappropriate touching.
5. They try to give you stuff you don't want. One of them just handed me booger and said 'There ya go' like they did me a favor.
6. When someone is wearing 'real' clothes, they are all over that. Avoid physical contact. Black is an unforgiving color when it comes to snot.
7. They are mean when they don't get what they want. They may shout in strange tongues. The more sympathetic you are to their plight, the more they ham it up.
8. They have no sense of smell. You must smuggle toxic smelling 'blankies' out of their room. They will defend 'blankie' to the death. Do not confront them about it.
9. They can sleep anywhere, anytime. But never in a bed and when it's convenient.
10. Crazy is cool. It's something they seek out in companions. Watch out.
Drunken hobos!
I mean, pesky kids!
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