I Mustache You A Question...


I went to go get my eyebrows waxed the other day and the lady waxing said,
'Would you like me to get your mustache too?'
Um, what now??
And I'm instantly mad at all my friends. 
What the %$#@?!  Don't let this happen again!  If I have a mustache, you tell me.
Have you not heard my off putting tale, The Bearded Lady of Aberdeen?  Yikes. 
I was once at a cousins baby shower and her friend had a mustache.  It was not subtle and because I wasn't used to lady mustaches I couldn't help but stare.  I was also not subtle.  Later I had to ask my cousin, 'Does your friend not know she has a mustache?' and my cousin told me she had tried confronting the issue and Mary Mustache did not care.....What?!
If you know a girl with a mustache who does not care that she has a mustache, it is time for an intervention.  Just like when I wouldn't stop wearing my corduroy maternity pants, even though it had been a good year since having a baby, and my friends filled out the paperwork for What Not To Wear and threatened that if I wore them one more time they would hit send.  Those are real friends. 
I'm not overly vein but I think women that have mustaches are unattractive and unsettling.  Unless your goal is to alienate people, I think you should steer clear of facial hair.  Food for thought as I've been thinking I need to weed out my friends.  Kidding....
We are more than our mustaches ladies! 
And real friends don't find subtle ways to hint at the mustache, like, you maybe have a little something right above your lip...? 
No!  Real friends say, 'Hey lady!  You've got a mustache! And I care about you too much to let it go'.
If I ever get told by a random person again that I have a mustache, I'm disowning all of you.
Friends don't let friends have mustaches!  Period. 
Unless it's for comedy value and even then there's a fine line.  And wine.  Lots of wine.


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