Unbelievable Rules I Never Thought I'd Have To Make: Part 1 +
In a house with four kids, to prevent chaos, there must be rules. Some rules are a given such as: No hitting, kicking or biting. No name calling. No throwing food at the table (when not at the table, anything is game of course). However some rules you never foresaw having to make. Here are some of our ridiculous house rules.
1. No weapons before 9am! In fact take all the weapons outside! Nothing like getting shot in the face with a nerf gun while making your morning cup of tea. NO!!!!
2. Don't wipe your boogers or poop on the floor or wall. If your hands come in contact with anything suspect, please wash them. For the love of all that is good and decent, wash them.
3. Don't put your butt in other peoples faces especially if it is naked, no exceptions...unless your married and then you won't have any interest.
4. No shorts while there's still snow on the ground. I will just go ahead and hide them as this rule is so difficult.
5. No painting on anything but paper, and especially not with creams, Vicks or vaseline. All art activities must be pre-approved and supervised.
6. Don't touch the scissors. Ever. I don't give a shit about your fine motor skills. Do another puzzle.
7. If I say something is hot or dangerous, don't test your hypothesis that I'm constantly lying to you.
8. Don't eat my food then regurgitate it onto my plate. Do that with your own dinner.
9. Don't slap anyone to wake them up. Especially not me. The punishment may be severe. Also, if you could just not wake me up unless you're bleeding, that'd be great.
10. The world is not your toilet. When possible, use the actual toilet.
11. No gopher trapping your room. Diving under yarn laser beams to get your laundry into your room, isn't my idea of fun and it makes your room impossible to clean. Oh wait was that your goal??
12. If you have an accident, tell someone as soon as possible. Don't try to cover it up or hide the evidence. It will be/smell 10 times worse if you do and I will be 10 times more mad.
13. Don't talk to strangers unless I'm right beside you and then don't tell them our life story or talk about anyones butt.
14. Don't share food that's already been in your mouth. Mmmm...no I don't want it in my hand either.
15. When someone says hello, say hello back. If I have to remind you to say hello, you have failed and I will be forced to trade you for circus monkeys.
16. Don't slam doors. Not for fun, not when you're angry, not when I'm 'so unfair'. We've already almost lost a finger and now flinch every time I hear one.
17. Don't shout demands. I'm not your slave or short order chef. Do it yourself or ask nicely!
18. Please do not engage me while I'm on the toilet. No you may not sit on my lap!
19. Stay away from glass objects. Running through them is even worse.
20. If going outside, put on clothes. Don't ride your bike naked. It's entertaining but socially unacceptable and I'm trying to do my job here.
1. No weapons before 9am! In fact take all the weapons outside! Nothing like getting shot in the face with a nerf gun while making your morning cup of tea. NO!!!!
2. Don't wipe your boogers or poop on the floor or wall. If your hands come in contact with anything suspect, please wash them. For the love of all that is good and decent, wash them.
3. Don't put your butt in other peoples faces especially if it is naked, no exceptions...unless your married and then you won't have any interest.
4. No shorts while there's still snow on the ground. I will just go ahead and hide them as this rule is so difficult.
5. No painting on anything but paper, and especially not with creams, Vicks or vaseline. All art activities must be pre-approved and supervised.
6. Don't touch the scissors. Ever. I don't give a shit about your fine motor skills. Do another puzzle.
7. If I say something is hot or dangerous, don't test your hypothesis that I'm constantly lying to you.
8. Don't eat my food then regurgitate it onto my plate. Do that with your own dinner.
9. Don't slap anyone to wake them up. Especially not me. The punishment may be severe. Also, if you could just not wake me up unless you're bleeding, that'd be great.
10. The world is not your toilet. When possible, use the actual toilet.
11. No gopher trapping your room. Diving under yarn laser beams to get your laundry into your room, isn't my idea of fun and it makes your room impossible to clean. Oh wait was that your goal??
12. If you have an accident, tell someone as soon as possible. Don't try to cover it up or hide the evidence. It will be/smell 10 times worse if you do and I will be 10 times more mad.
13. Don't talk to strangers unless I'm right beside you and then don't tell them our life story or talk about anyones butt.
14. Don't share food that's already been in your mouth. Mmmm...no I don't want it in my hand either.
15. When someone says hello, say hello back. If I have to remind you to say hello, you have failed and I will be forced to trade you for circus monkeys.
16. Don't slam doors. Not for fun, not when you're angry, not when I'm 'so unfair'. We've already almost lost a finger and now flinch every time I hear one.
17. Don't shout demands. I'm not your slave or short order chef. Do it yourself or ask nicely!
18. Please do not engage me while I'm on the toilet. No you may not sit on my lap!
19. Stay away from glass objects. Running through them is even worse.
20. If going outside, put on clothes. Don't ride your bike naked. It's entertaining but socially unacceptable and I'm trying to do my job here.
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