Mums the Word

My friend Amy was visiting and I was giving her the full court press to move to the greatest town in the world, Quincy, IL.  I should really be the rush chair or whatever the equivalent is because I'm always selling it....off the subject.  Anyways, my friend says, 'I could never move here because gas is too expensive.'  To which I replied, 'Oh, I'm sorry?? You can't afford to fill up your brand new Honda Oddessy?? Because gas in IL is a few cents more expensive?!!!'  YOU, my friend, have a rich person problem.'  This became our ongoing joke and the inspiration for this blog... Now, you don't have to be rich to have 'rich people problems'.  These are just things you say that sound 'bad'.  I mean, if you are reading this blog you are probably rich comparatively speaking.  So take all of this with a grain of salt....preferably around a margarita glass. So, here we go... You may have rich people problems if you: 1.  Say 'Oh no, ...

At some point I must of told Isla people die when they are 100, because she brought it up last month. As you can guess the discussion went something like: Me: You know Poppy's real sick. Isla: Ya but he's not 100 so he'll be okay, right? Ugh! Cue heartbreak. This leads me into my topic of Unicorns and Rainbows and other things we lie to our kids about. I borrowed the header from my cousin Anna. Anyways, my question: Is it worth it? Here are the things I've lied about (recently) paired with the reasons for said lie:  1. (and #1 on so many of our lists) Santa Claus.  Also Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, a leprachan named Lester and an Elf named Peter (if we are being completely honest). Reason:  Magic. Real life magic. We all want to believe, remember believing and want our kids to have that same feeling when they open their presents, see an Easter basket, and find something under their pillow (or are taken on a mad scavenger hunt to find presents in the garage). I m...

My five year old screams at the top of her lungs, 'I WANT CHEERIOS'.  I shout back, 'Well, I wanted to sleep till 7:00!'.  I hand her a waffle.  In my mind I said a lot more... My reaction was the result of this:  The princess tent on her bed she was sleeping in fell off with her in it at 5:00am.  No one was hurt but there was twenty minutes of drama, tears and me not getting back to sleep. So this lead to the 'cheerio meltdown' and a what is fair discussion?... The next day my other child who is going through a whining phase (let's hope) has a monumental melt down.  We are at Wavering Pool where there is a massive slide and he is not allowed to go down because he does not meet the height requirement (stupid rule).  He whines, 'But that's not fair'.  I agree with him the first twenty times and try to calmly explain and redirect but the next time he cries, 'That's not fair', I do it.  I go old school on him and I shout, 'Lifes n...

Have you been forgetting peoples names you've known your whole life, including you own? Are you constantly searching for things? If you have been suffering from serious brain malfunctions you may have what we, in the business, call Mommy Brain. You may see a woman at the grocery store staring at something, let's say a turnip, and you think maybe she's thinking about buying that turnip....Well, maybe she WAS thinking that....fifteen minutes ago! Now she's just trying to figure out what it's called! It's seems we are replacing our brain space that once was filled with information that made us interesting with theme tunes to popular cartoons, personal hygiene techniques and how to buckle and snap anything. Oh and don't forget the superior ability to open jars and not go to the bathroom for extraordinarily long periods of time. Totally worth it though. Totally worth it. We have fine tuned our ability to find things. A natural response to being able to f...

As I stare out at the river trying to figure out where the 'frick' the wing damns are...i feel the tears well up inside me. My dad used to take me out on the river when I was a kid and show me all the secret coves, sand bars, and point to all the wing damns in hopes that I would someday be able to drive the boat and navigate the river myself. Little did I know, this was a metaphor for life. Everything I've done and everywhere I've gone, my dad has been behind me and I've always been looking over my shoulder. He's been checking that the coast is clear and then double checking that I am checking. And now, with the fear of losing him looming, I wonder am I ready? I'm 31 and am married with 4 kids! How could I not be 'ready'? No one is ever ready to lose someone they love but fearing life without someone's direction is something different. I am afraid of never being able to look back. And as I stand by the river, I'm crying. The follow...

We are at the pool. One of my friends says I think your son is flashing everyone. In my mind I'm thinking surely not but at the same time we are talking about a four year old boy with a history of pants dropping. I turn around and sure enough he's flashing everyone his business. Ugh!! I yell at him to pull his pants up and ask him why?? Why?!!! He's explains he is wet. I explain he is wearing a swimsuit and therefore going to be wet. I tell him it's a pool rule to keep your clothes on. He readjusts and accepts the rule, at least for the next 15 minutes. Then it's time to go and I tell the kids to put their clothes on. He immediately strips. That one was my fault, I admit. It seems every morning,after many warnings and even after setting his clothes out, I'm yelling 'put your underwear on....for the love of all that is good and decent!'. The first half hour of his day he spends buck naked. Why???!!!! He also seems to have a fixation with his ...

A friend recently approached me with an embarrassing story.  I say 'embarrassing' but once you have kids, it's all over anyways and it's much harder to wrap your mind around the concept of being embarrassed.  Anyways, my friend admitted to wetting the bed and before she could continue I said, 'Was it the dream toilet??'  Our eyes met and she confessed, 'How did you know?!'  Well, you can guess how I know.  I'm guessing that damn dream toilet haunts the tired worn out mothers of the world.  Forever we are in search of toilets, even in our dreams. And so....I will list more things than I care to that I have done because I'm so flipping tired. 1.  Encountered a dream toilet.  Side note:  I also have to cross my legs when I sneeze. 2.  Confessed my love to a Jimmy Johns worker over the phone.  Slip of the tongue? Perhaps. 3.  Washed the dishes without having any recollection of said chore. 4.  Pantry amnesia--standing in ...