Old shoes


These shoes used to be great!  I remember buying them for my oldest, who is now almost eight.  They went with everything, looked cute and were easy to get on and off herself (their true winning feature). Then there was a boy who had no use for them.  Next came twin girls who took turns wearing them into this raggedy state.  Now they are too small and as I'm going through a current cull of all our things, I grab these to put in the give away bag and a sudden sadness snares me.
I'm not an overly emotional person so this doesn't happen often but as I sit with these shoes on my lap I bite my lip and will myself to not cry over THIS.
I think of how stressful life is with four kids.  I think of how much they need me and how much time I spend longing for a time when I don't have to wipe anyone's butt. I look forward to them being in school just so I can get a freaking break and you know, use the bathroom without someone sitting on my lap.
None of these help me chase away the sadness that I'm giving up something I love.  There won't be anymore babies to fill these shoes....
And while I pretty sure I don't want anymore it's still sad.  It's closing a chapter in my book of life.  The reason it's so sad is because it's easy to be objective about old shoes, their measurements on the wall, their dolls and action figures arranged in strategic areas of the house (I'm less emotional about the boogers on the wall).  Most days it's a race to a finish line where I'm not even winning.  The kids needs are endless and so is their list of demands.  I truly have my hands full.  So full, in fact, I can't even see over the pile of laundry I'm carrying down the stairs with my face way too close to dirty underwear.  But in the quiet moments when they are gone I find an appreciation like that of watching a sleeping baby.  It's in that quiet time I reflect on how much I love old shoes.

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