Spoilers for the Youth: Adult Hangovers +
Dear young people,
I used to be you. I could stay up all night, drink whatever mixture was put in front of me and wake up the next morning like nothing happened.
Well, maybe not like nothing happened but minimal suffering with a possible fuzzy feeling. And nothing bad enough to detour me from doing it all again the next night. (Although there was one night I did 7 shots of tequila and I had to take a week off.) Oh and did I eat that entire pizza??? When you're young you can party how you please and it's all good in the morning. If not, go back to bed and sleep it off.
Welcome to adulthood, things are different. For starters I have four kids, so there is no such thing as sleeping in. 'Sleeping in' is making 6:30 without WWIII breaking out. Once up there is no going back, just counting the hours until bedtime. Just staying up late, will cause you to wake up feeling like you have a hangover. Then add an actual hangover and you're in hell. It's not quite the 'fuzzy' feeling you had in college. It's the influenza with a side of migraine: Shakes, chills, nausea, the works. Remember every time a bell rings an angel gets it's wings? Well with adult hangovers, every time a child cries, you want to die. Literally.
So what! You earned it, right? I mean you are the one who drank too much?!
This is the best part.....You don't even need to get drunk to have an adult hangover. It doesn't necessarily matter if you only had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner. You may still feel like you were hit by a bus in the morning. More often than not these are the circumstances because it's not like you're going to do shots at your husbands business dinner. I mean not unless provoked. A stunt like that could take you out of the game for a week. At least the wine will only take you out for a day. And the munchies. Yes, you've still got those. The great thing about being intoxicated is you forget you are older and you act like you're a kid again and eat an entire pizza. Bad news is your not and unlike your teenage self who would think it was hilarious you ate an entire pizza, the adult you wakes up realizing that you ate your carb intake for the week! With your adult metabolism this means you need to eat nothing but salad for days or worse, juice fast! And...oh shit there was gluten in it so you will probably look five months pregnant for days. When you are done crying you will swear off the drink...until your next apocalyptic day as an adult whereupon you will be counting the hours until the happy one.
So to summarize: Enjoy a super efficient liver and high metabolism while you can, youth.
I hate you.
I used to be you. I could stay up all night, drink whatever mixture was put in front of me and wake up the next morning like nothing happened.
Well, maybe not like nothing happened but minimal suffering with a possible fuzzy feeling. And nothing bad enough to detour me from doing it all again the next night. (Although there was one night I did 7 shots of tequila and I had to take a week off.) Oh and did I eat that entire pizza??? When you're young you can party how you please and it's all good in the morning. If not, go back to bed and sleep it off.
Welcome to adulthood, things are different. For starters I have four kids, so there is no such thing as sleeping in. 'Sleeping in' is making 6:30 without WWIII breaking out. Once up there is no going back, just counting the hours until bedtime. Just staying up late, will cause you to wake up feeling like you have a hangover. Then add an actual hangover and you're in hell. It's not quite the 'fuzzy' feeling you had in college. It's the influenza with a side of migraine: Shakes, chills, nausea, the works. Remember every time a bell rings an angel gets it's wings? Well with adult hangovers, every time a child cries, you want to die. Literally.
So what! You earned it, right? I mean you are the one who drank too much?!
This is the best part.....You don't even need to get drunk to have an adult hangover. It doesn't necessarily matter if you only had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner. You may still feel like you were hit by a bus in the morning. More often than not these are the circumstances because it's not like you're going to do shots at your husbands business dinner. I mean not unless provoked. A stunt like that could take you out of the game for a week. At least the wine will only take you out for a day. And the munchies. Yes, you've still got those. The great thing about being intoxicated is you forget you are older and you act like you're a kid again and eat an entire pizza. Bad news is your not and unlike your teenage self who would think it was hilarious you ate an entire pizza, the adult you wakes up realizing that you ate your carb intake for the week! With your adult metabolism this means you need to eat nothing but salad for days or worse, juice fast! And...oh shit there was gluten in it so you will probably look five months pregnant for days. When you are done crying you will swear off the drink...until your next apocalyptic day as an adult whereupon you will be counting the hours until the happy one.
So to summarize: Enjoy a super efficient liver and high metabolism while you can, youth.
I hate you.
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